Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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