Umm I'm too high to move.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
