i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
