i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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