I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
