The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
