That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
