The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
