so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
