If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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