i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize