there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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