I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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