whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
