so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
