I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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