i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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