just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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