So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
