I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
