He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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