woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
