I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
