I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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