so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
