also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
