so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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