Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
