my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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