So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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