Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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