Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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