I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
