Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
