But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
