Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
