Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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