is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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