So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
