If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
