Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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