I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
