cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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