I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
