i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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