Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
