I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
