I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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