just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
