also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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