Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
