you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
