hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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