Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
