She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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