Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
