Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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