just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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