I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize