The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Actions speak louder than pants.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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