Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
