i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
