I love black thongs
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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