i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
