YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize