this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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