What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
