guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
