Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
