i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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