I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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