OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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