I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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