This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
