There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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