I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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