You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
