I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
