my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Your cock deserves a montage
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
