TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
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