You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
