Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
