my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I want her autograph on my taint
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
