hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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