oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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