Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
