cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
