he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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