just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
