I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
