i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
