My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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