You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
nutella sex= disaster
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
