i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
