3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
