it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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