this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am never drinking with the goths again.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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