Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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