I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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