So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
