my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
