Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
