Sry I called you an 8
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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