I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
