just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
