I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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