I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize